Sunday, November 20, 2016


Miracles can happen when you believe.

“I have no words that will take your pain away or heal your broken heart. There are many hearts hurting alongside yours. In this hurt, you are not alone.  In this hurt you will help each other. My prayer for you is that in the words I whisper, you hear the hope, acknowledge it, sustain it in your heart.  Hope will help carry your grief, move you forward and gift you healing.”
Inspired by Matty in spirit
Word Whisperer

I do hear hope in your words and I’ve felt it from the day you became spirit. Hope is a gift, another of your gifts to me as are your words. You had taught me about the Knowing, your own word, from a very young age. The Knowing for you was God, The Source, the Essence of All—Love. You vibrated Love and I had a Knowing that I would find you again; that we would be able to reconnect regardless of the divide between our two worlds. A divide I now know can be bridged. The divide existed until I was able to relearn the secret to the mystery of Life—all that I need I already have. Go within. “Seek and you shall find”. You have proven to me without a doubt that Love never dies. You sent signs, and they were received and validated through synchronicities, stillness, medium readings, messages and gifts through others. Our relationship has taken on a new form. You are on the inside now. There are no longer physical hugs where I feel your arms around me yet I feel the spiritual caress of my heart. It is a physical sensation. It lasts a mere second and fills me with gratitude. I carry all of you in my heart these days. I do not feel as though you’ve left me. I know you are watching, guiding, hearing every word that is silently spoken or an out loud car chat. It is nearly two years since your passing and I need our relationship to continue so that I can continue. I derive much comfort when I sit with our new friend Rachel—she connects us in a way that makes me feel like we are visiting and in the same room, conversing—remembering things past—sharing things present and elation when things not understood in the moment are revealed in future events. You are guiding me back to my life, my son.

This grief journey twists and turns me around. Some days emotions will be up and the next, I will be flattened by the power grief exhibits over my heart, mind, body and casts shadows of doubt over my spirit. Of all the resources available as I fill my grief toolbox, there is no other that brings as much comfort and solace as a sitting, a reading with a genuine Evidential Medium who has the ability to connect directly with spirit. It is a resource that deserves much respect and reverence. It is a spiritual connection yet continues to be much misunderstood and misaligned. Rachel’s words speak for themselves of the gift from spirit that helps to reconnect our Love, heal and transform the Before and the After to the Now. I’m going to share, with Rachel’s permission, one of her recent Facebook posts. Hopefully minds and hearts will be opened and the pain and hurt felt when we face the death of a loved one will discover a new tool in the healing process.

“Spiritual connection with our loved ones from heaven is so very healing! If you've experienced this, you know what I mean. It alters our grief, completely changing its course. My heart goes out to the bereaved who can't accept this because connecting heaven and earth has to be God's master plan for helping us heal! It serves to prove to us that love and life continues. (How can we believe in eternal life and not accept this?) Last night I facilitated a beautiful connection between a grandmother and her granddaughter here. The messages were healing to my own heart, as well. Awareness of our continued relationship can lessen our grief but it doesn't remove it, nor does it cause us to ignore our grief. That wouldn't be healthy and spiritual connection with our loved one is always for our highest good. It helps us to better live in the present moment, and sometimes living in the present moment means mourning. It's only been 16 months since my 17 year-old son left for his next adventure. Waves of grief still hit me, even though the in-between stretches have become longer over time. My grief muscle has become stronger with so much training; my grief is a lighter load to carry these days. Still, I have days like yesterday when I found myself heavy-hearted before I even walked into a restaurant with full holiday decor and Christmas music blaring. Without warning, tears publicly fell onto my tacos. There's nothing "wrong" with me. I'm not damaged goods, and neither are you. Grief forms a very powerful energy that wants to be released. We all grieve, but mourning is the outward expression of grief, and we must mourn. If we don't, that energy will manifest itself in our bodies by making us sick, or in our spirits by making us bitter, depressed, apathetic... Mourning doesn't mean I don't feel connected to my son. It means I am a soul experiencing a deeply human experience. Our bodies, minds, and spirits are all connected. Release your grief when you feel it rising up within. It will keep your body and your spirit open to receiving all the goodness that life here still has for you. Release will strengthen your body and your spirit. Honor your feelings, be gentle on yourself, love yourself through it... I promise, you will rise.”

My greatest gift from you Matthew are the words that you whisper, words that gently enter my mindset and create a sense of awe and humility as I write.  Your validation came in a summer reading when affirming this blog, The Voice of Grief—these letters I write to you my dearest Matthew. Your words create space for contemplation and reflection as I and others seek to understand grief and healing. Your validation: you showed the Medium an image of writing, regular writing with dates and sections. When I voiced that I kept an active blog about grief and its journey to healing, you sent the image of thumbs up; and your words “See how you are helping others”. You held up 5 fingers signifying this was the number of days since my last blog post. The reading was August 24th, my Facebook blog entry was August 19th.  Next came an auditory validation from you through the Medium Suzanne Giesemann, “Diane, he says that when you write that blog he’s putting some of the words in your mind. He says he knows that sometimes when you write, it’s like ””where does that come from?”” He says, “It’s me Mom”. Thumbs up.  “We’ve got to make something good come of this”. I thank you for your words, your guidance, your continued relationship, your ongoing messages and validations that Love never dies. You are Love. I am Love.

The gifts from this reading were many. The synchronicities that brought Suzanne and I to connect after a direct request to you are miraculous in their own right. Another great gift was to come from this reading— a gift that was not to be discovered until October needs to be told. In anticipation and with fascination is how my mind and heart prepare for signs from you, Matty. There is no dread or fear. There is a longing for reconnection, for wisdom, for growth from the experience of the Force that is Love. A message: “Diane, you are fingering a necklace you wear, a necklace connected to him. He fingers it in the manner that you grab and hold onto it”. I admit, I had no idea what this necklace was. I did not identify with the reference. The Medium asked to set this message aside for the moment. The necklace stuck in my mind.

In mid October, I was to reunite with my best friend from freshman year in high school. Paulette Gingras Kassapis was making her way back to New Hampshire for a high school reunion. Paulette and I had lost touch over the years. She changed high schools after her Dad passed—no driver’s licenses—our get-togethers were by phone. An important connection however, came to light years later when I was told of the friendship between Bruce Dad’s family and Paulette’s. The families were the best of friends and the kids grew up together. They camped, enjoyed family dinners and many road trip adventures. We reconnected via Facebook when she learned of your passing and this past October was our first visit in 40 years. Paulette presented me with two very personal gifts. She had handcrafted a bag made of batik material, something to remember her by and a necklace. A personalized necklace reminiscent of identification tags—three charms, an inscribed message, the name Matty and a heart shape etched with angel feathers. She told me how she happened to find herself on a website she had never visited, saw the jewelry and the thought "I have to buy this for Diane" popped into her head. She tried getting back to the site after the purchase was made and could not locate it. Matthew, I believe you intended this necklace as a gift for me and used an old friend as your messenger. The mention of that necklace had me mystified. I reviewed the recorded tape of the session to double check the wording. I thanked Paulette again via text after our reunion and told her the story of the Medium reading. I relayed that I reach for and hold onto the charms throughout the day. My words to Paulette: “I feel this is such an amazing gift from the two of you. You are both a part of my past, present & future. You have warmed my heart with your visit. To forever friends!”

Our conversation continued. Paulette responded “That made me cry. What an amazing story and I am so honored to have brought the necklace to you. I knew Matty was guiding the whole process. I had never been on the site before and the power I felt while looking at it and being returned to it several times before buying it then not being able to ever find it after and the peace I felt after that, I knew he was guiding me. It was so wonderful seeing you and Bruce, we won't lose contact again.” 

(Me)” His Spirit is so alive! I love that he's given us this connection. We won't lose contact again. “

(Paulette) “I just checked the receipt and the purchase date was August 9th. So his plan was already in progress when he sent you the message. I love his spirit and the love he continues to show you. I will carry him in my heart forever.”

Love leaves an imprint on the heart. Time has no impact and cannot erase love. My connection with Paulette is as strong as the days when our 14 year old selves were joined at the hip—another example that LOVE never dies.
I am astounded at the strength of Love and I am also humbled by it.

The adrenaline rush I felt, the comfort your necklace provided—it was material, physical coming from the spiritual. I could see it, hold it, feel its metal against my neck. You knew of the struggles I was having with doubt and trust. This gift, this beautiful necklace removed doubt from my heart and trust I felt from the soul level. It was an unexpected gift, miraculous in my healing and created the bridge I was trying so desperately to build to reach you in spirit. I will cherish your gift forever. I convinced myself that I was now shielded from grief and oh! how wrong I was.

From my greatest gifts, comes my greatest lesson to date. We live in harmony when the mind, body, spirit are living, breathing, thinking, feeling goodness—a natural law of God. I’ve learned that expectations create an opportunity for disappointment. My mind was in a good place or so I thought.  My heart was feeling disappointment over an event that resulted in a different outcome than expected. What is the connection between Mind Body Spirit? What does it really mean when we say or hear that the Mind Body Spirit are one?
If I live with disappointment in my heart for something that occurred in the past, I am not present with my mind or spirit. I was producing happy, good thoughts, my memories of you were happy—making me laugh; my spirit was elated with the greatest sign you had sent and I so willingly and gratefully received. What seemed to come out of thin air—the cloak of grief descended. It was not simply a sad moment; it was the heaviness that covers completely. It was the physical hurt that seeps into everything that makes up the body. It is that thing that sucks the happy out of memories and refills them with sadness and tears. It was that thing that robbed me of my comfort and solace from the sign, the necklace —the physical gift from you through a dear, dear friend.

I've been struggling with questions that seemingly have had no answers on my journey to date. Where do grief waves come from? Why do they originate? Is there anything I can do to redirect its flow? Grief is felt in the heart. I know that the "amount of love directly correlates to the depth of grief". I need to view grief the way I view the sun. Experience makes me aware of both the sun’s destructive and healing properties. There is no change here when exposing myself to the dangers of the sun. Wear sunscreen to save my skin. Stay out too long and I get burned. On the flip side, the sun as it soaks into my skin for a moderate amount of time helps to synthesize a natural source of Vitamin D.  I’ve learned that I can wear sunglasses, look at the sun and protect my eyes. I can walk around its edges; keep myself from harm yet gain the benefit from its healing. I observe the sun from a distance.  I respect its power, its force.

Could the disappointment that was resting in my heart have thrown me just enough out of balance to create an opening, a crack that grief saw and raged in flooding my mind, body and spirit? Does disappointment beget disappointment and what greater disappointment have I suffered than the physical loss of you, my child; a disappointment so deep it caved in a part of my heart? Could this be the origin of the grief wave? Disappointment, anger, hurt, despair—any emotion that dims my light; that does not necessarily have to be connected to my grief; that vibrates lower than positive emotions. Once the opening is recognized by grief however, it ushers in my greatest disappointment, my most damaging anger, my deepest hurt and my most hopeless despair and ties it all into the grief of your passing. It disrupts the harmony of NOW and shifts and skews perspective, allowing grief to believe it has the ultimate power to stop the healing of my heart; to block the joy that was returning.  Why are natural emotions that I feel as part of life now ushering in the sorrowing that I feel from your passing?  I stopped. I observed this grief as though it was happening to someone else. Did my observation catch it red handed, forcing grief to release the precious lesson it would deliver? Grief acts like the broken levy, allowing the flood waters of sorrow, sadness and despair to permeate every cell of the body. Clean up cannot begin and rebuilding cannot recommence until the lesson is recognized, acknowledged, learned.

Grief is a marinade for the heart. Its ingredients are sorrow, tears, longing and Love. Love is the ingredient that penetrates, in time softening the raw edges of heart's pain; leaving it changed, imbued with the goodness of Hope and Healing and Abundant Love.  A sign from grief that she is doing her job is heart's expansion; made more tender as grief renders sadness and weariness into the knowing that this trinity of goodness must be shared, given away. Observe her. Respect her. A duality of life presents itself; teaching us that the balancing force of holding on is releasing.  My heart breathes a huge sigh of relief. Release the triune of goodness held closely in my heart for you, my beloved.  Feel the energies of Hope, Healing and Abundant Love as they connect, unite and multiply; touching the hearts of others—keeping your memories, your spirit, your Love Alive. The gift re-gifts as Love is returned to me, immeasurably.

I have come face to face with the Universal Law of Goodness with this grief wave. When it is said that God, the Source lives within; my interpretation is that the good that lives within has its origins in my thoughts— the seeds that blossom and grow. Goodness finds a place in my heart that I can now feel. It has grown from faith to a belief, to trust, to an experience. I am releasing the goodness, the hope, the Love allowing it to reshape and build unto itself, signaling that the healing has begun. The grief wave subsides. Observing the wave quelled its power over me. I am now free to continue on my path to healing.

I thank you for our reconnection, our spiritual relationship. I see how you are guiding me on this journey by ensuring that I bring together the Gift—the Grief—the Lesson. I’ll continue to share and yes, “we’ve got to make something good come of this”. If we can help others find comfort, a different perspective, hope that healing in grief is possible, that you don’t have to walk alone, that there is a hand always extended . . . then we are growing goodness.

Loving you Forever and Always,