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Miracles can happen when you believe.
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“I have no words that will take your
pain away or heal your broken heart. There are many hearts hurting alongside
yours. In this hurt, you are not alone. In this hurt you will help each
other. My prayer for you is that in the words I whisper, you hear the hope,
acknowledge it, sustain it in your heart. Hope will help carry your grief, move you
forward and gift you healing.”
Inspired by Matty in spirit
Word Whisperer
THE GIFT
I do hear hope in your words
and I’ve felt it from the day you became spirit. Hope is a gift, another of
your gifts to me as are your words. You had taught me about the Knowing, your own
word, from a very young age. The Knowing for you was God, The Source, the
Essence of All—Love. You vibrated Love and I had a Knowing that I would find
you again; that we would be able to reconnect regardless of the divide between
our two worlds. A divide I now know can be bridged. The divide existed until I
was able to relearn the secret to the mystery of Life—all that I need I already
have. Go within. “Seek and you shall find”. You have proven to me without a
doubt that Love never dies. You sent signs, and they were received and
validated through synchronicities, stillness, medium readings, messages and
gifts through others. Our relationship has taken on a new form. You are on the
inside now. There are no longer physical hugs where I feel your arms around me
yet I feel the spiritual caress of my heart. It is a physical sensation. It lasts
a mere second and fills me with gratitude. I carry all of you in my heart these
days. I do not feel as though you’ve left me. I know you are watching, guiding,
hearing every word that is silently spoken or an out loud car chat. It is
nearly two years since your passing and I need our relationship to continue
so that I can continue. I derive much comfort when I sit with our new friend
Rachel—she connects us in a way that makes me feel like we are visiting and in
the same room, conversing—remembering things past—sharing things present and
elation when things not understood in the moment are revealed in future events.
You are guiding me back to my life, my son.
This grief journey twists and
turns me around. Some days emotions will be up and the next, I will be
flattened by the power grief exhibits over my heart, mind, body and casts
shadows of doubt over my spirit. Of all the resources available as I fill my
grief toolbox, there is no other that brings as much comfort and solace as a
sitting, a reading with a genuine Evidential Medium who has the ability to
connect directly with spirit. It is a resource that deserves much respect and
reverence. It is a spiritual connection yet continues to be much misunderstood
and misaligned. Rachel’s words speak for themselves of the gift from spirit
that helps to reconnect our Love, heal and transform the Before and the After
to the Now. I’m going to share, with Rachel’s permission, one of her recent
Facebook posts. Hopefully minds and hearts will be opened and the pain and hurt
felt when we face the death of a loved one will discover a new tool in the
healing process.
“Spiritual connection with our
loved ones from heaven is so very healing! If you've experienced this, you know
what I mean. It alters our grief, completely changing its course. My heart goes
out to the bereaved who can't accept this because connecting heaven and earth
has to be God's master plan for helping us heal! It serves to prove to us that
love and life continues. (How can we believe in eternal life and not accept
this?) Last night I facilitated a beautiful connection between a
grandmother and her granddaughter here. The messages were healing to my own
heart, as well. Awareness of our continued relationship can lessen our grief
but it doesn't remove it, nor does it cause us to ignore our grief. That
wouldn't be healthy and spiritual connection with our loved one is always for
our highest good. It helps us to better live in the present moment, and
sometimes living in the present moment means mourning. It's only been 16 months
since my 17 year-old son left for his next adventure. Waves of grief still hit
me, even though the in-between stretches have become longer over time. My grief
muscle has become stronger with so much training; my grief is a lighter load to
carry these days. Still, I have days like yesterday when I found myself
heavy-hearted before I even walked into a restaurant with full holiday decor
and Christmas music blaring. Without warning, tears publicly fell onto my
tacos. There's nothing "wrong" with me. I'm not damaged goods, and
neither are you. Grief forms a very powerful energy that wants to be
released. We all grieve, but mourning is the outward expression of grief, and
we must mourn. If we don't, that energy will manifest itself in our bodies
by making us sick, or in our spirits by making us bitter, depressed,
apathetic... Mourning doesn't mean I don't feel connected to my son. It means I
am a soul experiencing a deeply human experience. Our bodies, minds, and
spirits are all connected. Release your grief when you feel it rising up
within. It will keep your body and your spirit open to receiving all the
goodness that life here still has for you. Release will strengthen your body
and your spirit. Honor your feelings, be gentle on yourself, love yourself
through it... I promise, you will rise.”
My greatest gift from you
Matthew are the words that you whisper, words that gently enter my mindset and
create a sense of awe and humility as I write.
Your validation came in a summer reading when affirming this blog, The
Voice of Grief—these letters I write to you my dearest Matthew. Your words
create space for contemplation and reflection as I and others seek to
understand grief and healing. Your validation: you showed the Medium an image
of writing, regular writing with dates and sections. When I voiced that I kept
an active blog about grief and its journey to healing, you sent the image of
thumbs up; and your words “See how you are helping others”. You held up 5
fingers signifying this was the number of days since my last blog post. The
reading was August 24th, my Facebook blog entry was August 19th. Next came an auditory validation from you
through the Medium Suzanne Giesemann, “Diane, he says that when you write that
blog he’s putting some of the words in your mind. He says he knows that sometimes
when you write, it’s like ””where does that come from?”” He says, “It’s me Mom”.
Thumbs up. “We’ve got to make something
good come of this”. I thank you for your words, your guidance, your continued
relationship, your ongoing messages and validations that Love never dies. You
are Love. I am Love.
The gifts from this reading were many. The synchronicities that
brought Suzanne and I to connect after a direct request to you are miraculous in
their own right. Another great gift was to come from this reading— a gift
that was not to be discovered until October needs to be told. In anticipation and with fascination is
how my mind and heart prepare for signs from you, Matty. There is no dread or
fear. There is a longing for reconnection, for wisdom, for growth from the
experience of the Force that is Love. A message: “Diane, you are fingering a necklace you wear,
a necklace connected to him. He fingers it in the
manner that you grab and hold onto it”. I admit, I had no idea what this
necklace was. I did not identify with the reference. The Medium asked to set
this message aside for the moment. The necklace stuck in my mind.
In mid October, I was to
reunite with my best friend from freshman year in high school. Paulette Gingras
Kassapis was making her way back to New Hampshire for a high school reunion.
Paulette and I had lost touch over the years. She changed high schools after
her Dad passed—no driver’s licenses—our get-togethers were by phone. An
important connection however, came to light years later when I was told of the
friendship between Bruce Dad’s family and Paulette’s. The families were the
best of friends and the kids grew up together. They camped, enjoyed family
dinners and many road trip adventures. We reconnected via Facebook when she
learned of your passing and this past October was our first visit in 40 years.
Paulette presented me with two very personal gifts. She had handcrafted a bag
made of batik material, something to remember her by and a necklace. A
personalized necklace reminiscent of identification tags—three charms, an
inscribed message, the name Matty and a heart shape etched with angel feathers.
She told me how she happened to find herself on a website she had never
visited, saw the jewelry and the thought "I have to buy this for
Diane" popped into her head. She tried getting back to the site after the
purchase was made and could not locate it. Matthew, I believe you intended this
necklace as a gift for me and used an old friend as your messenger. The mention of that necklace had me mystified. I reviewed the
recorded tape of the session to double check the wording. I thanked Paulette again
via text after our reunion and told her the story of the Medium reading. I relayed that I reach
for and hold onto the charms throughout the day. My words to Paulette: “I feel
this is such an amazing gift from the two of you. You are both a part of my
past, present & future. You have warmed my heart with your visit. To
forever friends!”
Our conversation continued. Paulette responded “That made me
cry. What an amazing story and I am so honored to have brought the necklace to
you. I knew Matty was guiding the whole process. I had never been on the site
before and the power I felt while looking at it and being returned to it
several times before buying it then not being able to ever find it after and
the peace I felt after that, I knew he was guiding me. It was so wonderful
seeing you and Bruce, we won't lose contact again.”
(Me)” His Spirit is so alive! I love that he's given us this
connection. We won't lose contact again. “
(Paulette) “I just checked the receipt and the purchase date
was August 9th. So his plan was already in progress when he sent you the
message. I love his spirit and the love he continues to show you. I will carry
him in my heart forever.”
Love leaves an imprint on the
heart. Time has no impact and cannot erase love. My connection with Paulette is
as strong as the days when our 14 year old selves were joined at the
hip—another example that LOVE never dies.
I am astounded at the strength of Love and I am also humbled
by it.
THE GRIEF
The adrenaline rush I felt, the comfort your necklace
provided—it was material, physical coming from the spiritual. I could see it,
hold it, feel its metal against my neck. You knew of the struggles I was having
with doubt and trust. This gift, this beautiful necklace removed doubt from my
heart and trust I felt from the soul level. It was an unexpected gift,
miraculous in my healing and created the bridge I was trying so desperately to
build to reach you in spirit. I will cherish your gift forever. I convinced myself
that I was now shielded from grief and oh! how wrong I was.
From my greatest gifts, comes
my greatest lesson to date. We live in harmony when the mind, body, spirit are
living, breathing, thinking, feeling goodness—a natural law of God. I’ve
learned that expectations create an opportunity for disappointment. My mind was
in a good place or so I thought. My
heart was feeling disappointment over an event that resulted in a different
outcome than expected. What is the connection between Mind Body Spirit? What
does it really mean when we say or hear that the Mind Body Spirit are one?
If I live with disappointment
in my heart for something that occurred in the past, I am not present with my
mind or spirit. I was producing happy, good thoughts, my memories of you were
happy—making me laugh; my spirit was elated with the greatest sign you had sent
and I so willingly and gratefully received. What seemed to come out of thin
air—the cloak of grief descended. It was not simply a sad moment; it was the
heaviness that covers completely. It was the physical hurt that seeps into
everything that makes up the body. It is that thing that sucks the happy out of
memories and refills them with sadness and tears. It was that thing that robbed
me of my comfort and solace from the sign, the necklace —the physical gift from
you through a dear, dear friend.
I've been struggling with
questions that seemingly have had no answers on my journey to date. Where do
grief waves come from? Why do they originate? Is there anything I can do to
redirect its flow? Grief is felt in the heart. I know that the "amount of
love directly correlates to the depth of grief". I need to view grief the
way I view the sun. Experience makes me aware of both the sun’s destructive and
healing properties. There is no change here when exposing myself to the
dangers of the sun. Wear sunscreen to save my skin. Stay out too long and I get
burned. On the flip side, the sun as it soaks into my skin for a moderate
amount of time helps to synthesize a natural source of Vitamin D. I’ve learned that I can wear sunglasses, look
at the sun and protect my eyes. I can walk around its edges; keep myself from
harm yet gain the benefit from its healing. I observe the sun from a
distance. I respect its power, its force.
Could the disappointment that
was resting in my heart have thrown me just enough out of balance to create an
opening, a crack that grief saw and raged in flooding my mind, body and spirit?
Does disappointment beget disappointment and what greater disappointment have I
suffered than the physical loss of you, my child; a disappointment so deep it
caved in a part of my heart? Could this be the origin of the grief wave?
Disappointment, anger, hurt, despair—any emotion that dims my light; that does
not necessarily have to be connected to my grief; that vibrates lower than
positive emotions. Once the opening is recognized by grief however, it ushers
in my greatest disappointment, my most damaging anger, my deepest hurt and my
most hopeless despair and ties it all into the grief of your passing. It
disrupts the harmony of NOW and shifts and skews perspective, allowing grief to
believe it has the ultimate power to stop the healing of my heart; to block the
joy that was returning. Why are natural
emotions that I feel as part of life now ushering in the sorrowing that I feel
from your passing? I stopped. I observed
this grief as though it was happening to someone else. Did my observation catch
it red handed, forcing grief to release the precious lesson it would deliver? Grief
acts like the broken levy, allowing the flood waters of sorrow, sadness and
despair to permeate every cell of the body. Clean up cannot begin and
rebuilding cannot recommence until the lesson is recognized, acknowledged,
learned.
THE LESSON
Grief is a marinade for the heart. Its ingredients are
sorrow, tears, longing and Love. Love is the ingredient that penetrates, in time
softening the raw edges of heart's pain; leaving it changed, imbued with the
goodness of Hope and Healing and Abundant Love. A sign from grief that
she is doing her job is heart's expansion; made more tender as grief renders
sadness and weariness into the knowing that this trinity of goodness must be
shared, given away. Observe her. Respect her. A duality of life presents itself;
teaching us that the balancing force of holding on is releasing. My heart
breathes a huge sigh of relief. Release the triune of goodness held closely in my
heart for you, my beloved. Feel the energies of Hope, Healing and
Abundant Love as they connect, unite and multiply; touching the hearts of
others—keeping your memories, your spirit, your Love Alive. The gift re-gifts as
Love is returned to me, immeasurably.
I have come face to face with the Universal Law of Goodness
with this grief wave. When
it is said that God, the Source lives within; my interpretation is that the
good that lives within has its origins in my thoughts— the seeds that blossom
and grow. Goodness finds a place in my heart that I can now feel. It has grown
from faith to a belief, to trust, to an experience. I am releasing the goodness,
the hope, the Love allowing it to reshape and build unto itself, signaling that the healing has begun.
The grief wave subsides. Observing the wave quelled its power over me. I am now
free to continue on my path to healing.
I thank you for our reconnection, our spiritual
relationship. I see how you are guiding me on this journey by ensuring that I bring
together the Gift—the Grief—the Lesson. I’ll continue to share and yes, “we’ve
got to make something good come of this”. If we can help others find comfort, a
different perspective, hope that healing in grief is possible, that you don’t
have to walk alone, that there is a hand always extended . . . then we are
growing goodness.
Loving you Forever and Always,
Mom
TO VISIT RACHEL'S FACEBOOK PAGE, CLICK ON RACHEL PEARSON, EVIDENTIAL MEDIUM
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