“Christmas Day will always be. Just as long as we have we.”
Dearest Matthew,
I must admit I was feeling a bit off this Christmas and holiday season. I had misplaced my warm embrace. My open heart was a bit guarded and my open arms were lying by my side. It was the perfect year for a Grinch Tree.
We have a tradition of our own, the Grands and I. We begin our evening wearing matching pj's, decorating the tree while retelling stories of our favorite ornaments, figuring out whose turn it is to set the Brooklyn Atlantic Avenue Santa atop our Christmas tree, and we end the evening with a holiday movie. Elf usually wins! The Mystery Surprise for me was the year all four looped arms, faced the tree and sang Welcome Christmas Fah Who Doraze. The month of December and preparations for Christmas pose challenges for me. Regardless of the healing, the joy felt and misplaced, the peace that comes and goes, the procrastination that directs the traffic of my heart, these Littles placed a pause squarely in my center. Yes, they are the reason a tree goes up and celebration ensues.
I changed things up a bit this year. We are going to celebrate the true meaning of a "Whoville" Christmas. The pj's are Grinch-themed, the movie is "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and the focus on presents is replaced by Blessings. What are they? Where do they live? How do you touch them . . . give and receive them? Why Blessings? I felt you with me Matty as our story starts to take shape.
BUT, before I continue, a bit of a blessings back story. We've been working with the concept since this past summer's time at Gammy Camp. The topic continues to enter into quite a few of our conversations. On this Eve of Christmas Eve — scene change:
I had picked the kids up from school and we were on the road again. I started to go at a green light then paused assessing a less-than-safe action by an oncoming driver. The driver behind us toots their horn and out of a very disquieted mouth of babes, I hear: "You're probably going to bless him Gammy. I'm not going to bless someone if I'm being attacked".
. . . and here is where I shout out to you Matty, all Angels and Ancestors, that higher energy of the Divine Collective for some quick help in the form of a reply to that statement uttered in conviction, as one continues to escape me! The sound immediately gives rise to Bear's hair standing on end. A thought, a nudge and a lo and behold moment presents itself. A discussion ensues about our reactions to the sound of a horn blowing. Bear's is annoyance and anger and Gammy's is giving the other driver a bit of grace for not knowing what is happening in their life, this day, at this moment. One reaction creates agitation, an alarm and the other, a calmness and an opportunity to give a blessing, danger averted. The driver takes the turn as we do and heads in the same direction. He's traveling behind us at a very safe distance with no incidence whatsoever of erratic, aggressive driving. The lesson learned here is an awareness of differing reactions to the same occurrence and leaves Bear's comment in the category of "foundation lain with still more to come". A horn toot—a sound that brought us all to the present moment and to a dialogue that allowed for open-hearted expressions.
Back to our sleepover and in anticipation of a surprise to come. I ask and they give me their undivided attention as they squeeze together on the loveseat, I continue. "Blessings are gifts of the purest energy . . . LOVE, love that lives in our hearts. God is where Love begins. We can find Blessings when we connect with our hearts. How do we connect? By being quiet for a moment. By paying attention to our breath, that slows down the chatter in our minds. Then, when we feel that breath in our heart space, we ask in prayer to God, Jesus, Blessed Mama, the Holy Spirit, saints or to loved ones no longer physically here and we say:
"Heavenly Source, you who are everywhere, please open my heart and fill it with Love.
"Breathe that prayer in, deeply, slowly. We grow that feeling by simply remembering a time when we felt love, when we gave love. What does Love feel like when we receive it? What does Love feel like when we give it? We give Blessings by sending the Love in our hearts to another person, an animal, another country, our Mother Earth in her beautiful sunsets, flowers and creatures. We bless silently or with words if we feel moved to use them.
"Why Blessings? Because they are powerful, free and they grow GOD which is The All of Love. Tonight that Love that we are going to be remembering, celebrating, keeping it a living, growing, expanding thing is your Daddy's, your Uncle's, my Son's. It's the ONE thing we'll always have of him, always with us; so close that we don't know where we end and he begins. That's the beauty, the blessing, the holy part of Love. It's a union, it takes two or more and changes the individual parts to a whole . . . like when you kiddos make chocolate milk. You first pour milk, add alot or a little chocolate syrup and then stir, shake or blend it in the smoothie blender. Now, the milk and syrup are totally changed, remade into something else. No longer separate ingredients, they are now one glass of goodness. The smoothie blender whips the milk and syrup into a delicious, frothy drink that grows to twice its original size. When you take that first sip, drink and enjoy your chocolate milk, you feel happy—you've found a perfect moment in your day. There's no unhappiness, grouchiness, fighting, no jealously, no wanting, no making fun of or being made fun of, and as Jordyn says "that's so satisfying". That feeling feels BIG . . . like the feeling of generosity. When we are loving, being loved, we are being the best humans our souls want us to be. That BIG Love is what a blessing is and when we can share that BIG Love by asking for the heart of someone to be opened and filled with Love, we are taking responsibility for making the world a better place by growing Love.
"Tonight, right now, we are going to bring the Love that is Daddy/Uncle Matty into our hearts and then turn it around and send it back into the world. Every Christmas we are going to do something to celebrate, to remember, to keep alive that Love that is Matty, Poppy, Mams, Pepere and Grampy —all of our ancestors and loved ones that are alive in Love . We are going to give a blessing in memory of and receive a special hug to our hearts. We say to them, "we Love you, we celebrate you, we remember you, we thank you for watching over us".
"This beautiful, BIG feeling of Love that is sitting in our hearts right now, we are grateful for it. In the spirit of giving, what this Christmas season welcomes . . . and here, Gammy is going to stop talking and let your hearts take over, do the speaking. Send a blessing of Love to someone, some creature, some situation that could use Love's healing. Let's pause for a moment and send our own blessing". With a chorus of Amens, we truly entered the Christmas season.
As a token of remembrance for this night, I hand out a small bag to each. They hold a projection bracelet with a photo of you Matty, embedded in the tiniest gem; a photo they've never seen. As they sit in BIG Love, with expanded hearts full with more feelings than can be contained, our night explodes into sounds of glee with a mixture of happy tears and a cacophony of voices giving directions on how to look into the gem and a demonstration of how the image can be projected onto a wall. With a unique reminder infused with the superpower of LOVE wrapped around their wrists, Blessings makes a permanent imprint upon their hearts.
I embrace it all; the missing you, the joy in the kids faces, the peace that fills me in the quiet space and twinkling of tree lights, the memories that rise and the tears that fall, in the awe and wonder of the experiences of our new language, and in the revelations of the once hidden and unknown. All of it, the parts and pieces making up our Wholeness Story. Making up— the imagined until making up delivers the lo and behold—The Real.
Bear's statement of conviction will perhaps find a shifting perception one day, coming to him at a time of Self-discovery. I can talk words which are simply letters of the alphabet strung together. Perhaps this alphabet soup transforms into understanding through life's experiences; personal, unique and uncovered at the right time. A soup of random letters transforming into words telling his own story, learning from life's experiences lived through his personal self and elevated Self.
"This acting like you are something else is the ego" so tells me my be-loved book, A Course of Love ( ACOL U.13)
Talk the talk is the something else rather than walk the talk with all of my piccadillos; my doubts, my trust, judgments and discernment, my seeking and discovering, my grief and healing, connection and union, ego and elevated Self. It's the Wholeness of life. Reality, sees the ego, and Spirit sees a false self—an illusion. Life transforms into the genuine - authentic - bona fide - undeniable - honest-to-goodness - "truer than true", "You-er than you" Self. The Real no longer imagined" says my soul, container of spirit and permanent resident of my open heart. "Cheers, you've got it" cry out miracles, blessings conveyed and the gift of Divine Love.
What is wisdom teaching me today?
Science knows what science knows and expels the spiritual unknown. The Mystery of Life invites me to walk into the embrace of the unknown where knowing is replaced by revelation
. . . a remembrance of what has always been known. Ironically, science is a part of the word structure—conSCIENCE, my invisible, immeasurable inner guide that weighs the laws of man and God.
I am grateful for my 4 now 5 Little Blessings. My world is continually evolving. Love expands mine when received as a gift and keeps your Legacy of Love alive when returned to the Universe.
In spite of it all, Love brings me moments of Heaven on Earth—real, in the imaginal—not imagined.
Nine years and I miss you. Still. Aways. I am in relationship with you Matthew—beautiful, ever loving, wise discarnate Spirit, in the deep spaciousness of Christ-consciousness.
So happy we've spent this time together. Rachel delivered your Christmas message and I received it with a full heart:
"And Behold, I am with you always".
Matthew 28:20
You surely are!
A fitting ending to our magical, heart-transformed Grinchy Christmas; a message for all:
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not".
Dr. Seuss
brainyquotes.com
Heart Love you forever'mor 💙
MLA 13 -- January 3, 2015
Mom
