Isaiah
41:10 - Fear
not, for I am with you
FILENAME: #8Matty
Dearest, dearest Matty:
No title for this blog post . . . is
it really a blog post or are we going to have a conversation, a visit? #8 Matty—the
years are adding up. It’s after Christmas and Dad and I decide to head out for
a ride to the coast. Took this pic. What do I see? Shadows are in front of and
not behind me. The terrain is rocky; the sky is blue. The ocean is calm after
the recent storm. I see winter brush, standing naked against the landscape and
evergreens that could pass for trees photographed in a milder season. There’s a
contrail in the sky like a lone finger pointing, guiding the way; wisps of
clouds and two anonymous people, one looking forward and one looking back. I
guess the anonymous mirror me. This is what I’m doing, looking forward and back;
January 3rd has that effect on me. There is a lot of symbology in
this photo. I like that the shadows are looking forward. Sun to my back shining
its light; unable to go through me yet the message is important and finds a way
to call to me. Two shadows, I’m never alone. Two shadows, more heartwork to do.
The sky so blue. I asked you sweet Matthew to teach me how to pray and you’ve
led me to the re-discovery of the rosary. Not to the doctrine and dogma of my
Catholic roots but to the Blessed Mother, the Virgin and the Earth—feminine
energy that calls out to me, that shows me her presence. I can see Her with my
physical eyes when I take in the glory of Her deeply colored sky. I feel Her
through the eyes of my heart; that invisible organ that awakens my unseen
senses, the ones that usher in direct communion, communication through
experience. It's what is needed; open arms and the protection offered by a blue
sky mantle. A rocky road and yet I’m standing and taking in this beautiful view;
absorbing the feelings of the moment, a sponge, full and not quite ready to be
wrung out. It’s peaceful. It’s cold without being biting and the expanse of
water is limitless—like consciousness.
“A shadow is never created in
darkness. It is born of light.
We can be blind to it and
blinded by it. Our shadow asks us to look
at what we don’t want to see.”
Terry Tempest Williams, When Women Were Birds: Fifty-four Variations on Voice
The shadow part of the soul journey,
not the easiest to walk through and yet the bounty is great and the fruitage
can be harvested at many points along the way. What is my shadow trying to tell
me? I hear the murmurings of the wind, I must listen with full attention as the
hum is quite low, the clouds are barely moving. Patience, I gather like
spiritual berries that need to be picked. Grief lives in a field of Great
Mystery. There is not one destination, only layers of depth and timeless wisdom
to be unearthed. My harvest is an ingathering, a within-gathering. You’ve
shared much through your teachings and my learnings of divine Love. I’ve amassed the fruits of compassion,
kindness, humility, gentleness and generosity of spirit. All culled in divine
timing and fertilized with persistence and determination. I grow in clarity and
understanding as the seed planted the day your soul left this earthly
incarnation blossoms into a flower “where are you?” Miracles happen—that’s what
it feels like to me. Heaven on earth moments when our souls connect, the veil
thins and our worlds merge. Love is powerful. An open-heart charges the
atmosphere and your thoughts become my thoughts and the closeness is real, the
experience is real and it’s a taste of the “elixir of eternity”. . . like the
morning of May 30th, the day before your birthday this past year.
I was filled with the sounds and
feels in nature and this was your perfect opportunity for a visit. My Kids
Messenger app sent a notification and it was your Addy, camping for a week by
the river. I want to relive this memory together; that’s what we do, make new
memories you and I. Addy’s and my chat began:
Addy: Good morning 😃
Me: Good morning! Did you have a nice sleep with all of that
river cool air? 😎 Feels good
when the air is cool for sleeping.
Addy: I did did you have a good sleep 🛌
Me: It was grand! All the windows open. Listening to the
chirping birds this morning, the buzzing bees. Soaking in life Addy. Stop for a
moment Addy and look around you if you are at the river right now. Look at
the water. See the wind create ripples on its top. Next the trees. Do the
leaves look like they are waving? The sun, the color of the sky are next. It's
so beautiful. When we take a moment to fill our hearts with this beauty . . .
we get to feel happiness, we send out a BIG THANK YOU to the beauty in nature
that surrounds us. This is a very good way to start your day. Love you
Sweetheart ❤
Addy: Wow 🤩
Addy: That was amazing
Me: Have the best day my love and spread that happiness that
is in your heart. 😍
Addy: Oki
Me: And the only thing you have to do is BE you, smiling,
happy, kind and loving. ❤
Addy: Oh thank you 😊
The
messenger post was a first . . . definitely a nudge from you Matty, an exercise
for your special girl. Long for her to read and a lesson for her heart. Her
response tells me she was feeling. My feeling lasted all day. "I AM
Everything and NoThing". Yes, Matty you are. You are Love, everywhere and Addy and I
know how it feels in the present, in the presence, moment by moment . . .
"blending our two worlds".
Another remembering. Words delivered
in the quiet and stillness of meditation years ago. “Less Hardly, More Ever”.
Four words and their meanings change as you help to change me. We are hardly
less separated from each other. Rather evermore connected in eternal
Beingness. From the deep, guttural cries
of a Mother's heart, I found you. In the silence you waited, listened and heard
the sounds of my voice of grief. Held
and embraced gently by the Love of a son in spirit, this journey to healing we
walk together revealing the beauty, the awe and wonder of Life beyond life—the
mysteries of grief holding uncertainties until released. A gift that
continuously grows given through the whispers of Love, allowed and gratefully
received by an open human heart. A blending, Spirithuman to Spirit. Together.
Always.
Loved for’evermore.
Mom
