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| Our beloved lives in our hearts — LIVES as we experience his Love in so many ways, in ways he shows he is present in our daily lives. |
Thanksgiving . . . it's filled
with moments of the bitter and the sweet. Our table has morphed into seating
for family members and friends who hold an empty chair in their hearts. We
serve up as many emotions as we do sides on this special Thursday. A bitter
moment for me was when I was trying to bring Matty into the kitchen, to help
with prep or keep me company I guess, by listening to many covers of our
significant song, Leonard Cohen’s 'Hallelujah'. In my best Bridget Jones' lip
syncing imitation, I was putting all the feel and moves into this song, holding
my imaginary mic as I air-belted the words, thinking that if I set the stage,
the atmosphere, the ambiance that Matty's presence would fill every square inch
of this room—this room filled with memories that would hold me as a voluntary
hostage for the next two days. The song's lyrics and the room's memories came
in quicker than I was able to move Matty's presence from my heart to infusing
the air with his Love—the Love I would breathe in for the next few days. The tears
came along with the realization that what I was wanting, missing most was his
very human exhilaration over the menu, the gathering, the sound of his laughter
and the feel of his hugs. Tears, my grounding in the human-ness of grief
flowed.
Then the sweet! I have to tell
you about my favorite holiday gift memorial of Matt. It's a snow globe that
holds Matty's picture. The grands fell in love with this gorgeous orb that
holds a four season spot in our living room. Made of plastic and not glass,
Matty's self-contained winter wonderland has survived a year of kisses, falls
and just a bunch of holding for comfort's sake. As the adults were enjoying
conversation after a hearty meal, the two oldest girls came skating in
stocking'd feet into the kitchen holding Bubble Matt (as our sphere is
affectionately called), shouting "And let's say Happy Thanksgiving to this
guy!" Instant smiles and a chorus of Happy Thanksgiving Matty, Daddy,
Uncle Matty echoed throughout the dining area. Matty's grand finale Thanksgiving
day. They balance each other . . . the bitter and the sweet. Thankful for the
Love that allows us to fully feel both.
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