 |
| REACHING THROUGH THE DIFFICULT DAYS IS OFT TIMES REWARDED WITH A SHIFT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GRIEF. THE INTRUDER BECOMES THE COMPANION, THE SHARER OF OF YOUR UPS AND DOWNS, YOUR TEARS AND SMILES, YOUR ACHES AND YOUR JOYS, YOUR SPOKEN AND UNSPOKEN. |
Dearest Matthew:
As I become more and more acquainted
with grief's journey, the stops and starts, the amount of ground needed to
cover; I release my hold on expectations. I'm liberating myself from the
expectation that all the shattered pieces of me will find their way back. My
brain shorts out, my thinking is sometimes fuzzy, muli-tasking has evaporated—yet
my heart overflows with your Love, your lessons, your guidance in my spiritual
growth. No cares, no worries—I’m finding more substance, more truth, more of
what matters. I'm letting go of the expectations of how and when spirit
connections will happen. I'm letting go of the urgency I carry in my mind to
do, do, do. As I learn to be, I become more open, free to accept the flow that
each life offers. I recognize that I am living in two worlds at the same time.
Life continues, differently with 'some assembly required'. I am healing. Gratitude
continues to grow. I am grateful for seeing, feeling and living in moments in
time called Now. They push Later out of my vocabulary into a doublespeak, for
Later steals the Now. I am grateful for friend and family gatherings. In
reflection, looking back to measure the distance I’ve traveled and to glimpse
how far I may have come, I realize these are the times that filled you with
enjoyment, laughter, Love—with all that you needed in this lifetime and no more.
These are our happy times. You and I share that love of watching people
creating memories though nurturance, good food, good friends, good times. I realize
I feel you most, the physical sensations I desperately crave, in these moments
of Love, affection and true connection. Of course this would be your time to
visit! It was always the ecstasy contained in your soul that would burst
through your human-ness, shining your Light so bright—making us, your tribe,
love being around you. The unpredictable
soul visits from you, my son arrive in a burst of joy and surprise at times we
are gathering. The “Mom” I heard you say on your first anniversary; the stroking
of my hair at the restaurant on Mother’s Day; the pressure of a deep hug felt
on my back as I lay with the Little Ones when putting them to sleep; that flash
of time frozen at Brunch this past Sunday when Jake’s body seemed to morph into
a taller version of you as he knelt to hug your brother who lay on your combined
favorite sofa, incapacitated by a fractured heel. The air in the room stood
still. Your presence was felt. You needed to hug your brother, he needed to be
hugged by you. I am grateful and no
longer have a need to carry the expectation for I now know where to find you. I
am grateful for my life, my loves—past, present, future. I am grateful for the other pathfinders I meet
along the way, keeping me company as I grow through the pain into my new
center. I hold dear the birth of a Knowing that souls connected will lead
to a greater understanding of life's cycle. Birth and Death—joy and misery or a
new perspective for me—two new beginnings; the end of dualities.
Heart Loving you forever—
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, resources and experiences.