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A NEW SPRING |
Transformation,
arriving like a gentle giant—slowly, unexpectedly with the force of unassuming
power. Felt physically in my heart space as a compression and when unfurled,
expands my Love and understanding beyond the walls that encase the travails of
my journey. There are no boundaries to Divine Love . . . mine is an open heart
ready to receive and welcome change.
Where to
begin? Have I ever mentioned that I view my healing journey not in linear
time—minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, but in seasons? Seasons like
the four seasons experienced in New England but not necessarily following the
order of our natural earthly divides. Grief arrived in WINTER for
me. Literally. Matthew passed in January, yet it was the mind and body numbing
cold; the physical feel of the cold, the frosted breath that would catch in my
throat, the inability to get warmth to my core, the sounds of sorrow crunching my
lungs with every inhale. Winter’s gloom had a hold on me—my heart, my
mind, my body, my spirit. It took a long period to get to Spring that first
year, and then Winter reappeared out of order, ushered in with a trigger after
Spring and Summer at the moment of the Fall harvest, put on hold until the cold
was tended to.
Winters now are never as raw and cold as those first few Winters. They feel more temperate, like a North Carolina winter these days. The seasons bring forth change and a transformation to my landscape. I find myself in a Spring of my grief. I have mourned and grieved with every ounce of my human spirit. The very hard emotional work has planted seeds for lessons in grief to bloom as can only be seen through the eyes of my spiritual lens. I continue to be made aware of the dualities that make up my earthly life. I live however, between two worlds.
My spirit human is ready to be guided to a new understanding of what these dualities look like when experienced by soul spirit as I continue on in human breath. This is all very new to me. It feels like a merging. What comes to mind is a comparison of how the body heals a bruise. I cannot tell you medically how bruising is defined or the processes the body goes though in healing. I do know that a bruise speaks to me of injury when I see an explosion of color on my skin and I am able to observe some kind of absorption taking place within, resulting in the colors fading back to nothing, leaving no mark. I do not have to be privy to the intricacies of how my body heals. I have a great reverence for the human body, its Creator and if healed, my lessons will continue until I complete what I have come here to learn, in the capacity I am meant to serve. I imagine that grief sitting in my heart is akin to bruising. The light that went out of my eyes, the tears that fell, the breath that was short, the color that left my face, the posture that was hunched—these were outward, physical signs that grief was sitting in my heart. As the seasons of grief flow, Joy and Love are slowly absorbing my grief. In so doing, my grief has transformed. It still sits in my heart and like a bruise can re-appear when triggered, when the heart is hurting. The absorption has created more space for beauty to enter, for the clarity that fuels my emotional and spiritual growth and makes room for embracing divine messages that affirm eternal Life, Love and an appreciation for the mystery of my God and the ONENESS of our Everlife Home.
Winters now are never as raw and cold as those first few Winters. They feel more temperate, like a North Carolina winter these days. The seasons bring forth change and a transformation to my landscape. I find myself in a Spring of my grief. I have mourned and grieved with every ounce of my human spirit. The very hard emotional work has planted seeds for lessons in grief to bloom as can only be seen through the eyes of my spiritual lens. I continue to be made aware of the dualities that make up my earthly life. I live however, between two worlds.
My spirit human is ready to be guided to a new understanding of what these dualities look like when experienced by soul spirit as I continue on in human breath. This is all very new to me. It feels like a merging. What comes to mind is a comparison of how the body heals a bruise. I cannot tell you medically how bruising is defined or the processes the body goes though in healing. I do know that a bruise speaks to me of injury when I see an explosion of color on my skin and I am able to observe some kind of absorption taking place within, resulting in the colors fading back to nothing, leaving no mark. I do not have to be privy to the intricacies of how my body heals. I have a great reverence for the human body, its Creator and if healed, my lessons will continue until I complete what I have come here to learn, in the capacity I am meant to serve. I imagine that grief sitting in my heart is akin to bruising. The light that went out of my eyes, the tears that fell, the breath that was short, the color that left my face, the posture that was hunched—these were outward, physical signs that grief was sitting in my heart. As the seasons of grief flow, Joy and Love are slowly absorbing my grief. In so doing, my grief has transformed. It still sits in my heart and like a bruise can re-appear when triggered, when the heart is hurting. The absorption has created more space for beauty to enter, for the clarity that fuels my emotional and spiritual growth and makes room for embracing divine messages that affirm eternal Life, Love and an appreciation for the mystery of my God and the ONENESS of our Everlife Home.
The season's cycle of rain and
humidity finally broke today and I could feel the change happening in my body starting yesterday. Never before have I associated what was happening internally and
physically to me with what Nature was delivering externally. A conversation
with a friend this week brought up questions of what and why was I holding onto?
Why was I creating a damp, heavy, internal emotional environment so strong that
it affected my sense of smell? Why was my body holding fluids making me feel
like a soaked sponge? What was it going to take to wring this out of me? The
great resources of silence and reflection brought me to new insights on the
connection between my inner and outer worlds. A first lesson requiring a look
through my spiritual lens, gaining a better understanding of ONENESS, the
absorption, the merging of myself with a cycle in Nature. In response to asking Matty/Spirit for guidance earlier this year, the following words were brought forth:
“As your broken heart heals, as you are in your long goodbye to the me that was . . . You create space for the me that still and always is right next to you, sitting in your heart.
This is a cliché that I live in your heart? A worn-out line in love songs, or a feel-good mantra? No, this is not cliché. This is truth and the poets, the artists . . . they always know first. They often know, not knowing what they even know.
Keep going. I’m here. I will lead you to find your soul, your higher self. This is the you who is with me now. Then you can know we are together still . . . even between the signs”
~Matty's words in spirit delivered through Rachel Pearson, Spirit Messenger
A message from my son in spirit that feels like a continuing conversation, synchronicities that continue to circle his words of wisdom . . . how can this be? Belief in the divine order of life, the soul plan, trust, an open heart and a soul nudged to remembering will lead me to where I need to be. I have a beautiful story to tell that comes out of my presentation at the BPUSA Conference this year that will affirm Matty’s words once again.
These spirit
inspired words I’ve written in this post serve as a forward, an introduction to the upcoming
story . . . yes, “I’ve”. I have had a very uncomfortable time in the past trying
to figure out what my role is in the words and messages that I scribe and add
to from Matty's in spirit. Many have helped me to see, and the phrase that brings
clarity is “I am the instrument but the connection is mine”. I believe this is
what Matty has been waiting for. Acknowledgment and acceptance of my part in
our combined purpose; planting seeds for a shift in perspective with Grief. Certainly
for me as I walk my unique journey and with hope that some things resonate
within others, allowing for a change in perception that suffering need not last
for this earthly lifetime. Re-connecting with our beloved is very real and
tangible and living lives through the soul’s remembrance of Divine Love will
create a change in thoughts. Thoughts that have the power to create. Thoughts
are energy and I wonder and imagine what all of we—heart-connected through the
passing of a loved one—experiencing a shift and knowing that Love never dies,
gathering and building good thoughts as Love expands our human hearts, cheered
on by our souls as we live our lives as the best Humans we can possibly be. Is
this what is meant by changing the world one thought at a time? Through all the
pain and sorrow, allowing for the beauty and the gifts, can we create a new
modern day wonder to be added to the ancient 7 Wonders of the World?
. . . stay
tuned, the story will be next and coming soon.
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